2 Boomer Broads Podcast

Life, Love, Laughs, and Unsolicited Advice

  • Home
  • Meet the Broads
  • Full Playlist
  • Author’s Corner

Dealing with in-law Conflicts – Deanna Brann PhD: 2BB073

August 1, 2016 2 Boomer Broads

0
SHARES
ShareTweet
http://traffic.libsyn.com/2boomerbroads/2BB073_Deanna_Brann.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | RSS | More

We interview Dr. Deanna Brann, author of “Reluctantly Related Revisited; Breaking Free of the mother-in-law daughter-in-law conflicts.”

Dealing with in-law Conflicts

Coming to you this time from the Hollywood Professional Wrestler’s Ring.

Deanne works with both mother-in-laws and daughters-in-laws but not together.

A mother-in-law who will do or say anything, no matter what is a big problem for a young wife.  The husband, who has dealt with his mother his entire life avoids the problem. If the mother-in-law, for example, is dropping by unannounced or exhibiting other irritating behavior, it’s important for the wife to set boundaries.  The couple needs to be a united front when confronting her.

There are also times when you can use humor, especially if both women have stark differences such as religion.

It’s important on both sides to get to know each other and develop a relationship independent of the son/husband. That way both women see each other as real people.  However, boundaries still need to be put into place. The mother-in-law is not the daughter-in-law’s daughter.  She has her own mom.

To some extent, it depends on each woman’s personality. Deanna says women, more often than men, take things too personally and don’t see the situation the way it really is.

[bctt tweet=”Having trouble with your #in-laws ? Listen to the #podcast with @2BoomerBroads and @DeannaBrann” via=”no”]

When children are involved

Once the couple has children the in-law situation becomes more complex. Both women have their own style of child raising and they don’t always mesh.

Sandwich Generation

Many Baby Boomers are taking care of their parents as they age, which can cause more problems. The wife often ends up taking care of her mother-in-law because that’s the way it works out. This changes their roles. When they are taking care of both children and parents, it’s even more complicated.

Marital vs In-law issues

Sometimes a couple can’t differentiate between an in-law issue and a marital one.  You can’t fix a mother-in-law problem if you’re having difficulties in your marriage. A wife will want her husband to fix the problem (or fix his mother) but that’s not his job.  He can help his wife understand his mom better or ways to deal with her, but can’t fix the problem itself.

The same issues may keep coming up and never get resolved. When the words “you always do that,” or “you never do that” are shouted out that usually means it’s a marital issue.

A mother-in-law has to learn to let go of her son. She has to move on from her mom role and let her son be the man he’s supposed to be. Each side needs to be respectful of each other. Both women have an important role in the family. The mother-in-law is the son’s mother and can’t be shut completely out.

Weddings are usually where the problems start. It’s important that both mother-in-law and wife find a commonality. The husband needs to stay out of the middle and let the two women work it out themselves.

In-laws who are besties

Both women may become such good friends, the husband feels left out or picked on.  Or, the couple gets divorced and the old in-laws show up at the parties of the new husband and wife.

No matter what, it’s important to learn to make the relationship between mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and husband work for the grandkids.

You can visit Deanna’s website at www.inlawSOS.com

Purchase her book here.

Filed Under: Podcast - 2 Boomer Broads Tagged With: couples, family conflicts, marriage, sandwich generation, Weddings

2 Boomer Broads podcast | Apple Podcasts

About 2 Boomer Broads

2 crazy ladies over 60 talk about life, love, laughs and freely give out unsolicited advice - #podcast #midlife
Please visit our websites:
www.babyboomster.com – Traveling, eating and living well for fabulous women over 50. Recipes, entertainment, and fun. @baby_boomster & @rebeccaolkowski

www.sharonerosen.com – Dr. Sharone Rosen D.C. is a Los Angeles-based chiropractor and dynamic stick yoga guru.  If you live in the Los Angeles area, book an appointment with her. @sharonerosen

Read our bios here

« From Science Center Creator to Novelist – Sheila Grinell : 2BB 072
Dementia or Alzheimer’s and How to Deal with it – Tara Reed: 2BB 074 »

Comments

  1. Lois Alter Mark says

    August 1, 2016 at 10:07 am

    I feel so lucky to have a wonderful mother-in-law. I will try to BE one when the time comes, too!

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Know what you mean. It’s wonderful that you have a great relationship with yours.

  2. Cathy Lawdanski says

    August 1, 2016 at 10:27 am

    My mother-in-law is long gone, but it was a strained relationship. Wish I had the wisdom then that I do now about that. Important topic to discuss!

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 3:35 pm

      Thanks, Cathy. It’s true, it can be complicated. Nice to know there is a resource. For most of us at our age, we’re the mother-in-law.

  3. Cheryl Nicholl says

    August 1, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    Luckily I had a wonderful mother-n-law, but I know many who do not and this is great advice. Thanks for sharing.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 3:37 pm

      You’re a lucky one too. That’s so great. It’s so much better to get along.

  4. Tam Warner Minton says

    August 1, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Imperative is correct. My aunt gave me great advice: You cannot win a battle against the woman your son sleeps with. Period. End of Story. So don’t do battle. My DIL and I had a rough patch due to many different reasons, but all is well now.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      So glad you were able to resolve your differences. So important for grandkids when and if they come along.

  5. Helene Cohen Bludman says

    August 1, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    As the recently crowned MIL of both a DIL and a SIL, I am acutely aware of how tenuous the relationship can be based on my own experience with a MIL. Thankfully we have gotten off to a great start and I certainly hope it stays that way.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Congrats Helene. Glad you are getting along with them and wish you well in the future.

  6. Ellen S Dolgen says

    August 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    I could have used all of this great advice years ago when my mother-in-law was alive. However, I am a mother-in-law and have a wonderful relationship with my daughter’s husband. I do cherish and nourish that relationship.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 3:41 pm

      That’s so wonderful Ellen. To your beautiful relationship continuing forever.

  7. Carol Cassara says

    August 1, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    I never had them. Now, everyone’s gone, so I really don’t have them!

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      Yes, we are getting to the age when we don’t have to worry about it so much unless our kids are involved. Or, sometimes dogs.

  8. sue says

    August 1, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    My FIL passed away recently and we are caring for my 90 year old MIL. It is not easy although she is lovely I sometimes resent the intrusion on our lives. Then I sit back and admonish myself as she has just lost her partner of 70 years – it is worth the intrusion to try to make her last few years happy if that is at all possible.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 7:14 pm

      So sorry to hear about your FIL. Taking care of a parent or in-law is never easy but it is so much better for them to be home with their loved ones. 70 years with a spouse is impressive. She must be a wonderful woman.

  9. Leanne says

    August 1, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    I’ve been blessed with a lovely MIL too – it sounds like quite a few of us got lucky judging from the comments! It certainly makes life easier knowing you aren’t being white ant-ed by your husband’s parents.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      That’s for sure Leanne. Better to get along if possible. They are not with us that long.

  10. Estelle says

    August 1, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    Yes. I started out on rocky footing with my mother-in-law but we are buddies now, twelve years later! Having my daughter helped a lot.

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 1, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      That’s great to hear Estelle. Sometimes it takes a while but glad it worked out with your MIL.

  11. Rosemond says

    August 2, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Your own family can be totally crazy but its so much worse if its your inlaws. At least you’re completely used to your own family insanity!

    • 2 Boomer Broads says

      August 2, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      Yes, it can get pretty insane sometimes. Not always easy, that’s for sure.

  • Contact
  • Press
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Disclosure
  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy

2 Boomer Broads copyright © 2014 - 2018 All Rights Reserved